This has been a rough week...

So, I've been trying to consistently post every Thursday around 2, and here it is Friday with still no post... and I do have a post on Weaver's I would like to get to but I'm stretched for time today  and this week has been a pretty rough one. So I'm going to use this post for clarity and meditation of sorts for myself.

I don't know about all of you but in my family, our pets are included in the count of members and this week we lost a one. It's been difficult for all of us. Even in a family with five cats, two dogs, two siblings back living in the house, both my parents, and my grandmother for a time being, you feel it. Among all the chaos, the movement, and bustle of the house, it's extremely painful when you feel the sudden pang in your heart that something is missing, you feel the goodbye so clearly and it's so so sad. Our oldest cat, Lily, had to be euthanized last week due to a fight she got into late one evening with an unknown animal. My mother found her in not-so-great shape the following morning and knew she had to take her to see the vet. I won't go into detail about what happened but it shook our house pretty hard, life is never promised. Not to mention my father was out of town this past weekend and so, for my mom, who took this the hardest, she would have to be in the house for periods of time alone. She was her cat for seventeen years and we will all miss her very much. As I sit here and write this I can see my mother crying in front of me saying "But yesterday she was just fine. She was meowing at my feet and laying on my bed and she was just fine." Life is never promised.

A close family friend also lost their dog in the last few days. His name was Shakespeare and his passing happened very suddenly as well. His brother, Romeo, has been diagnosed with Cancer in the months passed and has exceeded his vet predicted date by months, so it was a pretty big tragedy when this happened to his brother in a blink of an eye. All who were close to the Boxer duo are feeling the sadness pretty heavily right now. I lived with my friends Katie and Tawni Toole for a few months toward the end of college and in their two bedroom house we had four dogs at some points. Their two Boxer boys and Chloe, my Pittie, and Evo, a Great Dane. Their friendship started off kinda rocky when I moved in because the Boxer boys were grumpy old men (haha) but slowly and surely we all became a happy family and this week we lost another member. Life is unpredictable and never promised.

So this week I've done a lot of reflecting (naturally) on my life and how I live it. I am only twenty-four but I'll be damned if that's going to stop me from trying to get up everyday and do my best to seize every darn moment. But I've been struggling with that battle internally for months now. I'm trying to move back out of my parents (preferably to Colorado or Oregon or Tahoe), nurture my blossoming photography career, balance my heavy work schedule, deal with family and all that comes with living back under your parents roof, and find time for an actual social life.  --- And let me take this time to also say, I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, I know this is part of life and growing up, I know that there are people in this world with bigger problems and harder lives. I am not discrediting any of that stuff by any means, but just because all those things are true does not mean I don't get to acknowledge my struggle publicly too -- then even doing all those things.... I feel as though sometimes, I'm twenty-four and while I'm so busy building the foundation for a life I love and I'm proud of, I'm missing some of the life I'm supposed to be living right now. Amen to finally saying it all out loud. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I can guarantee if I was standing in a room of my peers falling in the same age group, post college age, many many hands would go up of individuals who join me in this struggle. 

So, the big question is...what do we do? Guess what? I don't know. I'm having faith that if I constantly push myself forward in the means of being happy, being a good person, and doing what I love that something has got to give. I work hard, I love my life, I love God, and I love the endless opportunities that each day gives me. They give me opportunities to be better then I was the day before. And to think this all stemmed from the love I have for my wonderful furry companions. I breathe deeper today and fill my lungs with more clarity, more drive to push forward, and more confidence that I will get to where I'm going to be happiest going.   

Hug your animals, and let them lick your face this one time.

Life is never promised, go out there and live it.

Until next week (and I promise it will be on time)

Cait Xoxo